The Christmas Market...

Finally the day arrived of our little centres Christmas market. It was arranged by our non-existing centre manager and resulted in a non-existing Christmas market… A whole of 3 stalls arrived and 4 jumping castles. The stalls consisted of one with Chinese knock off T-shirts; one with costume jewellery and one with 20 cup cakes. The jumping castles were setup at the weirdest places resulting in no kids playing on them. Just before closing time I saw some township kids playing on one of them. At least someone got some value for money! The top seller of the day was the cup cake stand. They sold out within minutes.

And then there was the DJ; playing techno music on ENOURMOUS speakers, blaring through the whole centre. We benefited from the disaster outside as visitors came cowering in our shop, trying to get away from whatever was screeching over the enormous speakers outside. I don’t think any visitor is going to come back next year or the year after, or the year after, or the year after…

Just when you think you have seen everything, you haven’t. The “Slowveld” keeps on surprising me, and not always in a good way…     

Sanity arrives, just in time...

Two of my friends from Gauteng arrived yesterday for a visit of two days. I didn’t realize how much I was missing my friends down here until I saw them and couldn’t stop hugging them. I closed up the gallery and happily set off with them to our guest house, Haus Kopatsch (German), just outside of Hazyview. With neither of us knowing the area an online search and booking was done. So, we are entering the unknown.

After quite a bumpy dirt road through the beautiful natural forests into the hills behind Hazyview, we finally find the entrance gate. We follow a little winding road to the main house. The main house looks like a fake Spanish villa (not in a good way) with various rooms added on to it over the last 30 years.  The front is painted a baby blue (not the good baby blue…). A shirtless man with a BIG stomach of somewhere in his 60s is signalling from the top floor that we must go around the house. Mmmmm… Fraulein, who is quite well endowed, comes out of the house in a caftan with no bra.  Mmmmm… We are taken to our “cottage” that is 10 meters from the main house. VARIOUS dogs follow. We pass a small swimming pool decorated with fake flint stones. Mmmmm… As Fraulein takes us into the cottage she starts putting on lights, of which various doesn’t work. When she reaches light number three that doesn’t work an “ag freeking hell” escapes her mouth. Not so German after all…

The Cottage’s stoep has got a magnificent view down the valley. Exhaaaaaaaale. We open some good champagne and start laughing. That is the wonders of friends. No matter where you are, if you have good company and good champagne, anywhere is good.

Crazy people...

It is Xmas holiday time, and most people take a break, even those looking after crazy, demented, psychotic people. So what happens to the crazies over this time? It seems a lot of them are being off loaded at our gallery door to amuse themselves for a while… I mean, how can you not be crazy when you argue with the photographer of where an actual photo was taken? One of Niki’s Iceland photos has got a mountain in it that looks a bit like Table Mountain. But the surrounds is very clearly not Table Mountain. This lady argues with me that it IS Table Mountain, and clearly I am mistaken. After the third time that I very gently try to tell her it is NOT Table Mountain she storms out of the gallery. HUH????? What the @#&%$@!)&^%$????? Sorry, I am doing that a lot lately.

That whiskey that I already wanted yesterday would go off very well today. STILL don’t have the freekin whiskey.  Think I am going to order a barrel and have it on tap in the gallery and do some crazy people scouting. Who is joining me??

Where is the whiskey when you need it...

I was far far away in a soft dream when the insistent sound of the house alarm pushed violently into my dream, waking me up with a JOLT. What the???? With my heart racing in confusion and the realization dawning that it IS the house alarm I flew out of bed, grabbed my tripod and ran into the living room where  Niki’s Aunt was already standing. With tripod in hand, my hair in four different directions and me squinting through eyes that hasn’t quite focused yet we slowly start peering through the windows. I almost do a back flip when I notice movement on the dining room table. Sokkies, Snuggles and Tiger, the three cats from next door are sitting on the dining room table, peering at us curiously.  “Maybe the cats triggered the alarm?” I say. “No, the alarm is setup to allow movement of cats” Niki’s aunt say. Well, I have noticed that all three cats are a bit rounder than when I saw them last (like me), and maybe the three together constitutes a person… And why are they on the dining room table at 1 in the morning? Will think about this later. With three cats in tow we continue through the rest of the house, having no clue what the hell I would do if we do see any movement outside… throw a cat, or three, at it???

Thank heavens Hi-Tech arrives. A pint sized security guard climbs out. Geeeeeeez, my tripod is bigger than this guy… If something jumps on him we will have to rescue him, and not the other way around. Anyway, pint size walks around the house, fearless. “No Mam, there is nothing. Only some zebras on the other side of the house. Maybe they triggered the alarm”. Pint size keeps on staring at my hair.

Well, whatever it was (as the alarm is also setup to NOT be triggered by any wildlife walking around the house; it should only be triggered by wildlife trying to climb into the house…), I needed a drink.  

CRAP, whiskey is finished. Note to self, buy freekin whiskey you idiot.

Recruitment...

One of the first things I started doing when I arrived here was to start looking around for someone that can start helping out at the gallery on a temporary basis. Now, you would think coherent English speaking candidates are easily available. Well, alas… I had various people walking into the gallery looking for work and starting their first sentence with “I want job”. Now, wanting to work in a gallery where you will be in contact with people from all over the world; that is not the sentence to start with… And then a young, fresh, English speaking woman suddenly stands in the door, enquiring if we are maybe looking for someone. My hopes go UP. She just got married at Internal Affairs in Hazyview this morning. My hopes go DOWN… Anybody that gets married on a Monday morning quickly at Internal Affairs in Hazyview (the last place you would want to be, EVER) spells trouble.

So I have noticed that the general recruitment process in the area is to steal someone else’s coherent speaking employee…

But not wanting to make enemies immediately, I am taking the risk of trying out our shopping centre’s accountant’s husband (sjoe that is a lot of words) who is unemployed at the moment. Very friendly, very Afrikaans, very dependable chap (so far) who is willing to work at very short notice. Did I mention he is a police reservist? Yes, I have a dark blue police clad man with bullet proof vest and an R5 assault rifle (when did they stop issuing plane old 9mm guns?) in his hands regularly visiting the gallery to come say hallo. More than one foreign tourist in the gallery has had quite a surprise when he suddenly stands in the door!

 The upside is that we will have the whole Hazyview police force at the gallery door at a moment’s notice, with R5s in hand. So, don’t make any sudden movements in the gallery, me included J

Gecko/Komodo dragon???

While I am down in the Lowveld I am staying temporarily with my business partner’s Aunt on La Roy Wildlife Estate (just outside of Nelspruit). It has become my sanctuary where I escape to every day after a long day at the gallery. Poor woman is currently drinking WAY MORE wine than she ever did… Can’t let the guest drink alone…

As I crawled into my fantastic bed in my fantastic room overlooking a klip-koppie that regularly have monkey, mongoose, impala, and various other critters staring at me on occasion, my eye caught movement above my head. A VERY LARGE gecko was trying to very unobtrusively move across the sealing. Let’s just say this gecko was borderline Komodo dragon. If he falls from that roof it will make an actual hole in the mattress, and I will be escorted out in a straight jacket to the waiting ambulance, with some stranger whispering soothing words in my ear.

I slept with one eye open the whole night. Ok almost the whole night cause Komodo dragon disappeared sometime through the night. Probably opened the door and walked out.

How am I going to get through this day? Will have to keep the other eye open…

Some things never change

I was waiting at YET ANOTHER red light in Nelspruit this morning, one of MANY. Never seen so many traffic lights and stop streets in a stretch of 2kms... Ok, am getting side tracked. The "Nelspruit Post", a small local news paper, was shoved through my window. Seeing that I am new in town, let's put some effort into seeing what is happening in the area.

Page one displays local government officials that are corrupt. Page two shows locals toi-toiing as they do not want to be removed from the building they are occupying illegally. Yaaaaaaaawn. Page three, OH WAIT, the singles clubs of Sabie, Graskop, White River and Nelspruit joined forces and arranged an evening at the local Rotary Club. Now, if you are a single woman in her very late thirties, just arrived new in the Lowveld and are still hampering a smidgen of hope of finding that charming gazillionaire that owns 5 game reserves, 9 airplanes, and an undisclosed amount of businesses in the area, these are important articles.

Oh dear, 17 woman and 2 guys pitched.... Both guys are from Gauteng. Does not pose well for my secret dream...